Postseason guide for wandering hockey fans

Are you in mourning as your most ardent hockey hopes were reduced to dust in these last weeks of the NHL’s regular season? Are you watching the excitement of playoff speculation and feeling like you’re the too tall girl at the 8th grade dance? Maybe you’d consider attaching yourself to another team from now until June – no one needs to know.

In that you are pure hockey fan and looking for skill, speed and honest effort for 60 minutes, and suspecting you give bonus points to entertaining story lines, I’ve used those factors to evaluate and present to you my totally unbiased and irrefutable rating system I like to call the NHL Postseason Fan Fun Factor (FFF).

FFF is a 1-to-10 scale with 10 being the wildest and most thrilling ride full of pride and joy. The lower the rating, the better to keep your distance.

Eastern Conference

Washington Capitals

Plotline – After years of getting high draft picks, the Capitals are loaded with star power. This year the team will bring an entirely new system to the postseason to see if they can get past the second round after suffering upsets three years straight. If you love to crunch stats, hitch your wagon here to join a large crowd of diverse personalities.

Heroes – Alex Ovechkin is bigger than life and wears his heart on his sleeve; Nicklas Backstrom is a youngster with blond locks and incredible vision; Brooks Laich is no-nonsense play and talk, and changes tires for strangers in the rain; Mike Knuble particularly for his leadership in the infamous losing streak showcased on HBO.

Villains – Alex Ovechkin is perhaps the most lovable villain out there with a huge personality and ferocious style of play; Alexander Semin is known to disappear in the postseason and who simultaneously can be described as overrated and underrated.

FFF: 8.8

Philadelphia Flyers

Plotline – The Flyers were the unlikely Cinderella team that ran all the way to the 2010 Stanley Cup Finals before losing to Chicago in Game 6. Their play since the All-star break has been up and down and GM Paul Holmgren made a visit to the room last week to address the malaise of recent weeks.

Heroes – Claude Giroux is a young sniper and everybody’s favorite uncle; Sergei Bobrovsky is adorable young Russian goalie with a big smile; James van Riemsdyk is local Jersey boy who was the No. 2 overall pick in 2007.

Villains – Chris Pronger is a big, blonde veteran defenseman, with a skillset you can’t deny; he is perhaps the NHL’s uber-Villain while he delivers some of the best post game quotes you could ask for. Ever.

FFF: 5.0

Boston Bruins

Plotline – One of the Original Six with a proud tradition, the retired No. 4 of the great Bobby Orr hangs in the rafters. However, the B’s have twice choked in the second round in consecutive years, which makes their most strident fans (many of whom work day jobs as Boston media) even more annoying in their need to attack opposing fanbases as a petty response. Enter at your own risk.

Heroes – Tim Thomas is a smiley-faced late bloomer of a goalie coming off a career year; Milan Lucic – if you like your hockey players to be brutes with speed and skill, this is your guy; Mark Recchi is an ageless veteran who understands the game so well.

Villains – Zdeno Chara is too big and scary for his own good; Lucic is so intense he can and will terrify your youngsters, not unlike a gifted pitbull.

FFF: 5.5

Pittsburgh Penguins

Plotline – As the Pens fourth consecutive year in the postseason, these guys have a huge following and it’ll be easy for newbies to blend in. Unfortunately, the absence of Crosby and Malkin makes the charming Marc-Andre Fleury the only remaining superstar from their successful run for the Cup in 2009.

Heroes – Jordan Staal – after terrible injuries kept him out half the season, stepped in to some big skates with Malkin and Crosby out; Kris Letang is a young defenseman with great vision, superb skating, tremendous shot and cool hair. Dan Bylsma – his coaching style was revealed in HBO’s 24/7 series to be methodical and inspirational without histrionics.

Villains – Matt Cooke – no further explanation; Mario Lemieux – for not knowing those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

FFF: 7.6

Tampa Bay Lightning

Plotline – After winning the Cup in 2004, the front office has been a circus act until just one year ago. Now with Steve Yzerman at the helm, respectability is back and the team returns to the playoffs for the first time in 4 years. Steven Stamkos will be under pressure to prove he’s that good and it may be up to his diminutive veteran winger Martin St Louis to get him through.

Heroes – Marty St Louis is an undrafted All-Star who proves every game size doesn’t matter; Dwayne Roloson – having missed his chance at the Cup in 06 with the Oilers, came to the Bolts mid-season and has at age 41 stood tall in the net; Steve Yzerman... because he’s Stevie Y.

Villains – Steve Downie has a reputation as a dirty agitator, though there are reports he has been rehabilitated somewhat in Tampa. Is he truly converted when push comes to shove?

FFF: 7.8

Montreal Canadiens

Plotline – It’s the home of the most obsessed fans in the NHL. A rich tradition now featuring one of the league’s hippest and most controversial young stars backing up the shortest group of forwards you’d never imagine could win. Last year, they came out of nowhere to upset the top-seeded Washington Capitals in seven, then knocked out the defending champion Penguins. Injuries ravaged their blueline this season, and it’s been a patch job at best. It is pure joy to hear the classic Ole sung for the team you’ve hitched your wagon to.

Heroes – Carey Price has lived up to expectations in the most difficult job in hockeydom: Habs goaltender; PK Subban is re-inventing the hockey personality one overtime celebration at a time; James Wisniewski – acquired midseason as injuries to the d-corps added up, his outrageous response to Sean Avery when he was still with the Islanders will never be forgotten; Captain Brian Gionta – for being even shorter than Marty St Louis.

Villains – Like Ovechikin and Lucic, PK Subban is another dual-role player. PK earns this rep by annoying the heck out of veterans and traditional media with his brash behavior.

FFF: 8.5

Buffalo Sabres

Plotline – What’s Old: Buffalo has never won a Cup and Lindy Ruff has been there since the Nixon administration. What’s new: The team was bought earlier this spring by local zillionaire fanboy Terry Pegula who pledged to the Sabres fans that he is committed to bring the Cup to Buffalo. A new era has begun and this postseason is his opening chapter.

Heroes – Ryan Miller is also America’s hero at the Vancouver Olympics; Tyler Myers is the Texas-sized defenseman who won the Calder Trophy last year; Pegula for living the dream of every devoted fan.

Villains – Patrick Kaleta has made enemies in the league without bringing much else; that incredibly piercing voice of MSG-TV's Rick Jeanneret on his goal calls!

FFF: 5.3

New York Rangers

Plotline – The last to qualify in the East after stumbling all spring; this is a young team with tremendous goaltending and questionable offense. The loss of heart-and-soul forward Ryan Callahan was only the latest of lengthy list of injuries the team encountered all year. Love him or hate him, John Tortorella’s post-gamers are great theater.

Heroes – Henrik Lundqvist – he’s such a perfect human being; Marc Staal displays stamina and leadership for a very young defensive core while being the only Staal brother in the NHL to not yet have his name on the Cup; Captain Chris Drury returned for the final clinching game despite injury and led off the scoring Saturday against Martin Brodeur.

Villains – Sean Avery is often an embarrassment to hockey and, gratefully, often scratched. Talented enigma Marian Gaborik’s inconsistency will drive a fan bonkers.

FFF: 6.9

Western Conference

Vancouver Canucks

Plotline – This year’s Presidents Trophy winner has been almost unbeatable with both the scoring punch and stellar goaltending to win championships. But the curse of the Presidents Trophy means you can forget all that now. Devastating injuries to the ‘nucks d-corps somehow failed to slow them down. Vancouver is a beautiful city and it’s considered very cool to root for a team from there.

Heroes – Henrik and Daniel Sedin... if you are looking for on-ice razzle dazzle and telepathic synergy; Ryan Kesler provides the razzle dazzle off-ice when on camera, too. Manny Malhotra won’t be playing but no doubt his presence will be felt; the Green Men climbing on the visiting team's penalty box.

Villains – Alexander Burrows doesn’t always know when to be quiet; the fans hollering conspiracy every time Toronto is consulted.

FFF: 6.4

San Jose Sharks

Plotline – When they made it to the Western Conference Finals last season we all wondered if they had finally kicked their reputation as post-season failures. Then the ‘Hawks sent them packing in four. Here they are again, with the Hawks’ 2010 Cup-winning netminder replacing their veteran Evgeni Nabokov, who was not re-signed last summer and relegated to hockey purgatory. If you’re thinking about hooking up with the Sharks, proceed with caution.

Heroes – Joe Pavelski for his clutch play and great name, Logan Couture is the wunderkind that held the team’s season together in the early going; Niclas Wallin – as Carolina’s post-season Secret Weapon, there’s always hope he might be the same lucky charm in San Jose; Antti Niemi – the 2010 Cup-winning goalie that the Hawks thought would be replaceable.

Villains – Dany Heatley – for all his skill, his off-ice behavior continues to cloud his strange resume until he performs well enough on the ice to make us forget all the garbage; Ben Eager is regarded as such a dirty a player in Atlanta that they banished him mid-season to the west coast.

FFF: 6.2

Detroit Red Wings
Plotline – This makes the Wings' 20th consecutive trip to the postseason; Captain Nick Lidstrom has been there 19 years. This is about the master class competing with whippersnappers across the continent to show us they still have what it takes. Original Six history combined with dignity and old man pride (often regarded as an arrogant sense of entitlement by their detractors). Difficult to bandwagon here unless you can pass a rigorous entrance exam to show your worthiness.

Heroes – Nicklas Lidstrom, Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk because, to a man, they are legend.

Villains – Todd Bertuzzi, Tomas Holmstrom because they made their careers thriving on the edge of fair play (the former to a far greater degree than the latter).
FFF: 5.2

Anaheim Ducks
Plotline – The second of three California dream-teams in the mix, Anaheim’s claim to fame is a Stanley Cup in 2007 followed by inconsistent seasons ever since. Corey Perry has officially risen to elite status as a ridiculously tenacious scorer, while the refusal of 40-year-old Finn phenom Teemu Selanne to fade away make this a potentially thrilling post season ride.

Heroes – Teemu Selanne because for 20 years he’s shown he knows no limits, Bobby Ryan and Ryan Getzlaf as part of the awesome RPG

Villains – Corey Perry – another loveable villain because he does all the hard and dirty work with so much skill and in-your-face edge. Perry is one-of-a-kind, whose passion isn’t somehow as childlike as, say, the 'Great 8'. If he can bait four-time Lady Byng winner Pavel Datsyuk into drop gloves and go, there’s something very different about this young Canadian.
FFF: 7.6

Nashville Predators

Plotline – Underdogs who never have won a playoff series, and are building their own tradition before our eyes. The acquisition of Mike Fisher from the Ottawa Senators was a signal from the front office that they expected the group to make more noise this spring. Add in the late call-up of the first fourth generation NHL player in history, who happens to be a native son of Tennessee for your feel-good opportunity. The play of 6'5" Pekka Rinne makes Canadian gurus consider the Preds may have what it takes to get past round one, even if they still want to label Nashville as another undeserving Sun Belt market. Great pick for those who prefer outsiders and non-traditionalists.

Heroes – Pekka Rinne for being so awesome with little recognition; Shea Weber for his ridiculous slap shot; Mike Fisher because his gutsy play, cleft chin, and music star wife make him seem every part the superhero; Blake Geoffrion for his remarkable family DNA and, thus far, living up to expectations.

Villains – Carrie Underwood – unwittingly following in the footsteps of Janet Jones Gretzky.
FFF: 7.9

Phoenix Coyotes

Plotline – Meet the team without an owner, working in a climate of uncertainty, political duress and 80-degree days in March. They offer you no superstars as they seem to eke out wins in the most embattled non-traditional market of them all. Sign up here if you want to be recognized for your daring independence and ability to laugh at yourself.

Heroes – This team is full of unsung heroes: Keith Yandle is a young defenseman who can score, Ilya Bryzgalov will inspire in net, Ray Whitney is still the Wizard. Oh, and Paul Bissonnette (a.k.a. BizNasty) for his world-class tweeting.

Villains – Depends if you’re from Winnipeg or not.

FFF: 4.8

Los Angeles Kings
Plotline – An upstart group of youngsters in Tinsel Town, the Kings suffered two devastating injuries to their top scorers in recent weeks, including the Anze Kopitar’s suffering a high ankle sprain to finish him for the season. This will be about digging deep and stepping up. This group of fans has seen recent resurgence and you can join up without anyone on the bus looking at you twice.
Heroes – Drew Doughty – not a great season but one of the team’s most beloved young players with heart and talent to spare. Willie Mitchell suffered a devastating concussion last season and when no one would sign him last summer, the Kings stepped in and he has rewarded them with rock solid play; Justin Williams has been a team scoring leader but is battling back from injury (yet again); if J-Willy comes back, expect the team to rally round his leadership as an ‘06 Cup winner with the Hurricanes.

Villains – Tough call, but I’d say Dustin Brown for being one skilled hitting machine and Kyle Clifford for bringing the nasty. As they go in the league, they’re both lightweights, but on this young team, that’s as far it goes.

FFF: 7.2

Chicago Blackhawks

Plotline – Last year’s Stanley Cup roster was dismantled thanks to that dumb salary cap. The remaining shell of the team, many of whom may still be hungover from their efforts a year ago, were the last to sneak into the playoffs courtesy of the Minnesota Wild. If you join in here you’ll enjoy Original Six tradition and a huge following comprised of hearty party animals. Cool goal song works well as a ringtone.

Heroes – Jonathan Toews is the best thing to ever come out of Winnipeg; Corey Crawford is the rookie goaltender who stole the show from Turco; Patrick Sharp is from the same mold as Hank Lundqvist and another all-around perfect human being.

Villains – Marty Turco is the opposite of Roloson for likability – comes off as bitter and isn’t consistent enough in goal to overlook this flaw. He makes in-game bets with Canadiens fans, too. Patrick Kane's mullet is horrific.

FFF: 7.9

Photo credit: Getty Images